surviving you

I have my nerve

the world is ending, people are dying

and all i can think about is you.

and how you hurt me

destroyed me

blasted my heart into tiny pieces

butchered my brain into a smoldering mess

but then i look around the room and notice

hot food just begging to be eaten

a purse with money waiting to be spent

a house that has yet to become a home.

a mirror, showing a face so pretty if only the person smiled

and i haven’t even tried, to smile, in quite some time now.

i feel guilty as i lie in my bed

tears falling, pulse rising

i know someone out there is running, hiding, fighting for their life

while i keep running towards you [after i said that i wouldn’t, couldn’t, ever again]

hiding your indiscretions [and keeping your secrets]

fighting for something that doesn’t exist

While someone is praying for strength to survive the night

I’m praying for strength to survive you.

So, yes, i have my nerve

the world has ended and i don’t flinch

people have died 

in a city put ablaze by years of hate and inequity

and i don’t feel a thing

because my world started and ended with you

my soul, crushed and dried up, died so long ago.

You ignited a fire in my heart and it burned so hard so fierce that now only a little crisp remains.

I can hear the walking souls, moaning loudly

Faces so hollow and eyes so dark from years of

running, hiding, fighting from death, hunger, and pain 

While I'm running from love 

Hiding from embarrassment

and fighting for a little ounce of dignity 

How can I smile? How can I face myself? 

I can't think about that. All I can think about is surviving you..