Silent Purple

SILENT PURPLE

The combination of active (red) and calm (blue) chakras linking the individual to the universal

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I was in a really weird space when I began planning for SS18. Everything was seemingly good, but I couldn’t appreciate it. Nothing was good enough. I knew that I needed to get back in touch with God so I did a raw diet for 10 days (by far the hardest to date); and went on an alkaline vegan diet. I felt good physically, and in turn, began to connect more with the universe both mentally and spiritually. Through a lot of self reflection and “random” occurrences, I began to see that God was leading me somewhere. Private thoughts were popping up in casual conversations with friends and family - almost immediately. Fear and doubt escaped me and were being replaced with love and acceptance. I knew that my individual (physical body) was beginning to connect with the universal (spiritual body; God).

I also told myself that I would surrender myself to God. For the first time in my life, I had no plan and felt like I was just moving about without purpose. The control freak in me felt lost and unfulfilled. I began thinking that it was my bad decisions that led me to this point. Guilt and shame overcame me for having these feelings. In the grand scheme of things, I had the majority of what I wanted and everything that I needed, so why didn't my reality measure up to my expectation? The only solution I had was to get rid of the expectation and explore who I am as an individual and what brings me joy and peace. I used this metric to answer these questions: if my job and lifestyle were stripped from me, what would be left? How would I define myself outside of my career and worldly possessions? This exploration led me to begin planning each day around doing things that I love and believe in (reading, working out, eating healthy, designing, singing, dancing); then, not only am I living a fulfilled life, but I am also putting that energy out there that will bring like minded people and events to me. I also had to have the strength and courage to end relationships that no longer served me; understanding that it is possible to love from afar. I don’t think about my future as much because I don’t want to hinder myself. Instead, I do what I love every single day, and believe that God knows my deepest desires; so whatever I’m supposed to have or experience, I will.  

'Calm' and 'active' both perfectly describe my personality. I am rarely balanced; I am either extremely reserved and introverted or extremely outgoing and extroverted. This is also true for most areas in my life. I’d been wanting to move to the middle of the scale for a while but didn’t know the best way because it truly seems uncontrollable. The notion of “mindfulness” came up. The idea of being in the moment; that the future and past are just figments of our imagination and, honestly, do not exist. To this day it’s still hard to silence my mind and be present; but, I notice that when I’m able to conquer it, I feel most comfortable being myself.  I also see my authentic self emerge, and I'm always pleasantly surprised with who that person is.

With all of this going on, I started to put pen to paper. I decided to play with the silhouette and literally “link the individual to the universal”. I used fabric manipulation (e.g. pleats, cowering, extension) to bring the fabric forward and off the body, giving it a life of its own. I also played with different women in my head; the chill, cool 'girl next door' chick; the bougie, take no shit from anyone woman; the warrior, whose femininity is used as a shield in this world; and the sexually liberated, who openly enjoys her body. The beauty of it all is, like real women, these personalities can overlap; and, to be honest, often do. I for one believe that all of these women exist inside of me.

Throughout the construction process I often took a step back and challenged myself. “Would I feel confident in this”, I questioned. If the answer was no, I changed or scrapped the design immediately. The main goal I have is for women to feel confident and beautiful, no matter your style or size. I’d also like for women to step out and try new things. I often hear, “Oh, you look cute but I could never wear that”. I hope to debunk that thought one woman at a time. We wear some form of clothing every minute of everyday, why not have fun with it?